Islamic Manners: Reconciliation, Family Rights, Neighbours and the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ

A way of breaking off relations and reconciliation

·        Turning down a relative's request for help when they are in need is like breaking ties with them, and severing relations is Haram.

·        Kind treatment means establishing ties with one who cuts off ties with you and caring about the relative who ignores you.

·        If there is any dispute between you and any of your relatives, you should be the first to contact them and achieve reconciliation whole-heartedly, even if they are at fault (unless prevented by a Shar'i reason).

Excellence of stroking the head of an orphan

A non-pubescent boy or girl whose father has passed away is known as an orphan. As soon as they reach puberty, the rulings of the orphan no longer apply. The Prophet of Rahmah صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم said:

"The one who strokes an orphan's head merely for the pleasure of Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ will get reward for every hair that he stroked. And the one who does any orphan boy or girl a favour, I and he will be together in Heaven like this (i.e. these two fingers meeting each other)."

(Musnad Imam Ahmad, vol. 8, pp. 272, Hadees 22215)

Stroking the head of an orphan and feeding the Miskeen remove the hardness of heart. If a boy is an orphan, stroke his head bringing the hand to the front; if the father is alive, stroke his head bringing the hand towards his neck.

Try to maintain relation with wife

A husband should treat his wife nicely and deal with her wisely. Our Beloved Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم said:

"Woman has been created from a rib and you cannot straighten her. If you wish to get benefit from her, you can do so with her crookedness. If you try to straighten her, you will break her and breaking a woman means divorcing her."

(Sahih Muslim, pp. 775, Hadees 1468)

·        Gentleness towards wife: A true believer is one who has a nice character and is the most gentle with his wife.

·        Forgive wife: To use brute force and threats against a naturally weak woman is not manliness. If she makes a mistake, forgive her.

"A Muslim male can never have enmity for a Muslim female. If he dislikes any of her habits, he may find any other habit to be pleasing."

(Sahih Muslim, pp. 775, Hadees 1469)

Rights of the husband

The wife should behave courteously towards her husband. The Holy Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم said:

"I swear to the One under Whose Omnipotence my life is! If there are wounds in the entire body of the husband from foot to head, from which pus and pus-mixed blood ooze out, and the woman licks them, still she has not fulfilled the right of the husband."

(Musnad Imam Ahmad, vol. 4, pp. 318, Hadees 12614)

·        Do not leave the home of the husband: The wife must not leave her husband's house without his permission. If she does so unnecessarily, Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ and His angels curse her unless she repents or returns.

·        Cause of most women being in Hell: The Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم mentioned seeing most women in Hell because they often curse and are ungrateful to their husbands.

The rights of neighbours

Everyone should treat their neighbours nicely and respectfully unless there is a valid Shar'i reason. A person asked the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم how to know if they did something right or wrong. The Prophet replied:

"When you hear your neighbours saying that you have done something right, you have done right. And when you hear them saying that you have done wrong, you have done wrong."

(Ibn Majah, vol. 4, pp. 479, Hadees 4223)

Qafila Etiquettes and Social Conducts

·        Qualities of Ameer-e-Qafilah: The Ameer in a journey should respect and serve his companions the most.

·        Share spare goods: Whoever has a spare means of transport or spare food should give it to the one without it.

·        Subordinates: Each of you is a supervisor and will be questioned about your subordinates.

·        Delegation of tasks: Instead of placing the entire burden on one person, tasks should be distributed among travelers.

·        Offering seats: Travelers should take turns sitting and standing, and offer seats to others.

·        Space management: Do not occupy too much space to distress others. It is Sunnah for seated people to make space for a newcomer.

·        Whispering & Gathering rules: If there are three persons, two should not talk secretly leaving the third. Do not jump over necks on Friday during Jumu'ah. Do not barge in between two seated people without permission.

Don't hurt anyone's feelings

The Muslim's respect demands us to fulfil the rights of every Muslim at any cost. We must not hurt the feelings of any Muslim without Shari' permission. Our Beloved Rasool صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم never hurt the feelings of any Muslim, never taunted, mocked, snubbed, or insulted anyone, but embraced everybody with affection.

46 Blessed Manners of the Holy Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم (Summarized)

1.     Protected his blessed tongue and talked only when necessary.

2.     Treated people affectionately and never did anything causing hatred.

3.     Honoured the respected person of a nation and appointed him leader.

4.     Always advised people to fear Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ.

5.     Always asked after the blessed companions رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُم.

6.     Praised positive talks and condemned evil.

7.     Dealt with every matter moderately.

8.     Never neglectful of people's reform.

9.     Always engaged in the Zikr of Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ.

10. Sat wherever he found a place and advised others to do the same.

11. Fulfilled the rights of people sitting beside him.

12. Everyone in his company felt he loved them the most.

13. Would not end a conversation until the other person left.

14. When shaking hands, did not withdraw his hand first.

15. Always helped the needy.

16. Treated everyone generously and politely.

17. Gathering of knowledge, tolerance, modesty, patience, and trust.

18. Peaceful gathering where nobody was disgraced.

19. Mistakes in gatherings were never exposed or spread.

20. Paid complete attention while talking to someone.

21. Would not stare fixedly at anyone's face.

22. Shyer than a virgin girl.

23. Always said Salam first.

24. Said Salam to children as well.

25. Said Labbayk when called.

26. Never stretched his legs towards people in a gathering.

27. Often sat facing the Qiblah.

28. Never took revenge for personal reasons.

29. Always forgave those who distressed him.

30. Apart from Jihad, never hit anyone with his hands (not wives or slaves). 31–37. Spoke gently, never screamed, never spoke harshly, never blamed people, not a miser, avoided quarrelling/arrogance/unnecessary activities, never found faults. 38–46. Spoke only for reward, patient with strangers, never interrupted anyone, simple seating arrangements, never laughed loudly, but smiled the most.