Teach Children Good Manners and Maintain Family Ties According to Islam

Teach manners to your offspring

Parents should also pay ample attention to the fulfilment of their children's rights. Instead of making them 'modern', they should try to make their children follow Sunnah, teach them good manners, keep them away from a bad company and make them join Sunnah-inspiring Madani environment. They should prevent them from indulging in bad habits such as watching films & dramas, participating in sinful customs and traditions in which music is played, making people negligent from the remembrance of Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ.

These days, parents perhaps consider it the most important right of their children to provide them with proper education along with any skill and expertise whereby they could earn a living. Alas! The body and the clothes of the child are saved from dirt but no effort is made for the purification of his heart and deeds. The Beloved and Blessed Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم said:

"It is better for a person to teach his children manners than to give one Saa' (i.e. approx. 4 kilogram of grain) in charity."

(Sunan-ut-Tirmizi, vol. 3, pp. 382, Hadees 1958)

He صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم also said:

"No father gave anything to his child better than good manners."

(Ibid, vol. 3, pp. 383, Hadees 1959)

A reason for failing to maintain Madani environment at home

Regretfully, there is no Madani environment in most of our homes these days and we are ourselves responsible for this situation to a great extent. Our joking, mocking, discourtesy, bad manners, and extreme carelessness are the causes of this situation. Some of our Islamic brothers behave towards others very politely and humbly but they 'roar' like a fierce lion at home. This results in damaging one's prestige in home.

Remember! Your misbehaviour is a very big hurdle in the rectification of your family. Beware! If you do not improve your character and don't make efforts humbly and politely for the reform of your family, you may end up in the damnation of Hell. Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ says in the Holy Quran, part 28, Surah At-Tahrim, verse 6:

يَأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ

O believers, save yourselves and your family from the fire whose fuel are men and stones.

(Part 28, Surah At-Tahrim, verse 6)

How shall we save our family members from Hell?

Regarding the foregoing verse, it is stated in Khaza'in-ul-'Irfan: "(Protect yourselves and your families from the fire of Hell) by obeying Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ and His Beloved Prophet صَلَّى اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم, performing worship, refraining from sins, guiding your family members towards goodness and forbidding them from evils and by teaching them knowledge and etiquettes."

Respect of relatives

All relatives should be treated nicely. Sayyiduna Aasim رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ narrated that the Prophet of Rahmah صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم said:

"Whoever wants a long life, increase in his sustenance and protection from bad death, should continue to fear Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ and treat his relatives with kindness."

(Al-Mustadrak, vol. 5, pp. 222, Hadees 7362)

The Beloved and Blessed Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ تَعَالَى عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّم said:

"The one who breaks off relations will not enter Heaven."

(Sahih Bukhari, vol. 4, pp. 97, Hadees 5984)

Madani Pearls of Kind Treatment with Relatives

Meaning of Silah Rihmi [kind treatment]

It is stated on pages 201 to 203 of the sixteenth part of Bahar-e-Shari'at, a 312-page publication of Maktaba-tul-Madinah (the publishing department of Dawat-e-Islami): Silah-Rihm implies establishing relations, i.e. doing relatives any favour and treating them with kindness. The entire Ummah is agreed that Silah-Rihm [i.e. kind treatment with relatives] is Wajib and breaking off relations is Haraam.

It is Wajib to treat certain relatives with kindness

Which are the relatives that must be treated with kindness as a Wajib obligation? Some scholars have stated that they are 'Zu-Rihm Mahram' and some other stated that they are Zu-Rihm relatives regardless of whether they are Mahram or not. Apparently, the latter ruling is more accurate. Ahadees contain an unconditional order of treating relatives with kindness. The Holy Quran also unconditionally stated ذَوِي الْقُرْبَى (the relatives).

However, as there are different levels of relations, there are also different levels of treating relatives with kindness. Parents have the greatest status. After them is the status of 'Zu-Rihm Mahram' (i.e. the relatives with whom marriage is Haraam forever due to Nasabi [i.e. genealogical] relation with them). After them is the status of the rest of relatives, depending upon how close relationship they have.

(Rad-dul-Muhtar, vol. 9, pp. 678)

What do 'Zu-Rihm Mahram' and 'Zu-Rihm' imply?

Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ said in the 83rd verse of Surah Al-Baqarah:

وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَذِي الْقُرْبى

(And be kind to parents and relatives).

Commenting on this verse, a renowned commentator, Hakeem-ul-Ummat, Mufti Ahmad Yar Khan عَلَيْهِ رَحْمَةُ اللهِ الْحَنَّان has stated in Tafseer-e-Na'eemi:

·        First piece of advice: Zil-Qurba are those relatives whose relationship is created by means of parental relationship and they are also called Zi-Rihm. There are three categories of them: First, relatives of the father (paternal grandfather, grandmother, uncles, aunts). Second, relatives of the mother (maternal grandfather, grandmother, uncles, aunts, stepbrothers/sisters with same mother). Third, relatives of both parents (real brothers/sisters).

·        Second piece of advice: There are two categories of relatives: Under one category fall those Nikah is Haraam with, called Zi-Rihm Mahram (e.g., father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, paternal/maternal uncles and aunts, nephew, niece). It is Fard to help them in their hour of need. Under the other category fall those Nikah is Halal with (offspring of paternal/maternal uncles and aunts); it is Sunnah Muakkadah to treat them with kindness.

·        Third piece of advice: Distant in-laws are not included in Zi-Rihm, though some are Mahram (like mother-in-law or foster mother).

What should one do if relatives are in other countries?

If a person is in a foreign country, he should remain in correspondence with his relatives so that relationship is not broken off. If possible, he should come to his country so that ties with his relatives are strengthened. In modern times, one can easily contact relatives by e-mail, phone, or internet to enhance love.